Banal platitudes

Oh my he melts my heart ❤

Yesterday was Luke’s 34th birthday. I count the birth days but Luke doesn’t age beyond 30. Yesterday was the worst since he died.

The last three years, the days before were not good but once the day arrived, it passed with sadness but without plunging headlong into overwhelming grief. Not so this year. The days before were like any “normal” birthday…yeah it’s blah, blah’s birthday in a few days and then in a couple of days and so on. Yesterday the Tsunami of grief roared right over me again.

As soon as I woke up I knew the stuff I had planned for the day was not going to happen. The very best I was going to be able to do was to drop my daughter off at work, weigh in at an early session of Slimming World so I wouldn’t have to engage and pick up some milk…..under the duvet for the rest of the day.

Whilst putting on my make up I went right back to the concealer and mascara running off my eyes before it was even set. My daughter came through and was faced with this heap of grieving mum… many times has she done this? We both knew this really wasn’t all to do with Ĺuke’s burthday.

What was it?

Social media!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah gods am I sick of it!

Don’t get me wrong social media can be a fine thing. When my friend lived in Dubai I used it to talk to her every morning. I speak often to a friend in Sierra Leone and another in Nigeria, others in Australia. I use it to sooth my brokenness by reading articles and have joined closed groups for support.

BUT oh my goodness, really? Social media after suicide is just SHIT.

There has been so much out there these last few days, I am at a loss as to what to say really. Everyone seems to have jumped on the suicide of the high profile celebrity. Banal, platitudes bannied about like confetti. No thought for the consequences, often posted for someone’s own self importance.

For those of us bereaved or affected by suicide, our skin is crawling!

Do you know how many times the statement I gave to the local press came back onto my news feed? Did anyone think? They shared without malice but without thinking. You can turn off who can see your posts you know, even I know how to do it!

Do you know I had to ask people not to post on fb the day he died as my daughter was on the train coming home and I didn’t want it splattered all over before we got to tell her face to face……and still while her dad is telling her, her phone is pinging off on private messages because a family member just HAD to be the first person to tell someone else!

That was just the first few days.

The years that have followed have been much same, with some people. Words slip off the ends of your fingers without a second thought. Do you need the ADHD medication Ritalin to slow your brains down to give you chance for the second thought, the consequence thought to kick in?

Words are not enough, put your money where your mouths are ffs. Stop broadcasting. DO something. DO your bit, the world doesn’t need to know about it, just do it!

Thank you for those people who have held and still hold us in their hearts. Never wavering, quietly but constantly DOING without being asked. Not massive great gestures but constant little things without any thought for themselves, only for us. Without you, our lives would likely be sadder than we could bear.

A special mention to the stranger I met yesterday morning who within half an hour of us meeting has become a somebody who DID. You are not a stranger ❤

Happy birthday my boy, I wished with all my heart someone would have done something for you. Just the little something that would have made you think it was worth sticking around 💔

6 thoughts on “Banal platitudes

  1. That was so beautifully written Carol and well said . Social media is evil and unfeeling . Bullies hide behind keyboards dictating and spouting lies and hurt …… Be it to make money , more followers , etc etc .
    Back when I was “young” we didn’t have all this technology and we played out on the street , back doors and front doors were left open and friends were friends and if we fell out it was sorted within a few minutes !
    You are an inspiration, a fighter , and wise and I take a lot from you Carol , as I learn and live with mental health everyday xxx ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for your comments….I’m glad it helps.
    Don’t write often and mainly to ease my heart. By the time I press publish it has done it’s job for me but I do hope if anyone does read my thoughts that it helps along the way.


  3. Oh, my sweet friend! I am so very sorry that unthinking folks made marking Luke’s birthday that much harder. I was prepping for the retreat and missed your post earlier. I wish I hadn’t and could have added my prayers to any raised on your behalf especially for that milestone day.

    People really don’t think or even if they do, they seem unable to control their selfish impulses to post, post, post. Many get great satisfaction from riding the sad wave of another’s tragedy.

    I pray that since February 20th you have been able to rest a bit. May the Lord give you the strength you need every day to hold onto hope. ❤


    1. Thank you Melaine, I am feeling much better now. Also as it is now Lent I am off Facebook for the duration and therefore will have respite from the negativity that sometimes overwhelms my newsfeed. On the otherhand I will miss all the positivity that warms my heart on there.
      Thank goodness your blog comes via my email, I don’t think the Lord would object to that 😊

      The retreat you do always tempts me to possibly do something similar over here. There is so much going on with the Suicide Prevention work I am involved with, that it maybe sometime
      In the future.

      Peace be with you deat friend ❤


  4. Not only moving, it is angry, and insistent on people to think. For every celebrity suicide there are numerous ordinary deaths. Now that Corona is slowing the world down, we may have the insight to question our interactions with others and to add a bit of value.


  5. I do hope so Mike, I think this is going to be a great leveller. Our fortitude has now given us a head start in overcoming the stresses of these times. Let’s reach out as best we can and support others on the journey through this.
    Take good care my friend x


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